How to Settle Your Child Into Nursery: Gentle First Steps

Settle your child in gradually. UNICEF suggests practising short separations, introducing new caregivers through shared visits, and keeping goodbyes calm, warm and brief while telling your child when you will return. Raising Children, an Australian parenting site, suggests starting with short days where you stay. A favourite toy or blanket can help too.

Is it common for a child to struggle when I leave?

UNICEF says separation anxiety is most common from about 6 months to 3 years. If your child clings to you at the nursery door at this age, you are far from alone. Take it slowly and be kind to yourself as well. The first weeks can be hard on parents too.

How do I prepare my child before the first day?

• Practise short separations: UNICEF recommends them. You could start with a short while with a relative your child knows, and then come back.
• Visit together: UNICEF advises introducing new caregivers gradually, with shared visits first.
• Talk about nursery simply: name the place and the teacher, and say what your child will do there.
• Tell the teacher about your child: how they sleep, what they like to eat, the words they use, and what calms them.

How should I say goodbye?

UNICEF advises keeping goodbyes calm, warm and brief, and telling your child when you will return. Raising Children also says to keep goodbyes brief, and adds that you should always say goodbye. In practice:

• Choose one phrase and use it every morning.
• Link your return to something your child knows, such as coming after nap time.
• Keep your word, so that it becomes something your child can lean on.
• Agree with the teacher who will take your child from your arms.

Can a comfort object help?

UNICEF suggests offering a comfort toy or blanket. Ask the nursery about its rules on things from home, and label the item with your child's name. If you can, keep a matching one at home in case it gets lost. Ask whether your child can have it at nap time as well.

How long should the first days be?

Raising Children suggests starting with short days where you stay. These sources do not give a set number of days that suits everyone, so agree a plan with the nursery that fits your child and your work. It could look like this:

1. A short time together in the room.
2. A short time when you leave and return as promised.
3. A slightly longer day that includes a meal.
4. A day that includes a nap, then a full day when you and the teacher feel your child is ready.

Try to do this before you go back to work, if you can. When you enrol, ask whether the nursery allows a gradual start and whether it changes the fees.

When should I talk to the nursery?

Talk early, and do not wait for worries to pile up. Good moments include:

• Before the start, to agree the first days and who your child's main teacher will be. A NAEYC checklist for toddler programmes says the schedule should let each toddler bond with a primary teacher.
• At the end of each day, to ask how your child ate, slept and played, and how long it took them to calm down.
• When something changes at home, such as a new baby, travel or a move.
• When you do not feel reassured, or you notice something at home that worries you. Ask for a short meeting with the teacher and the director, and agree a clear next step.

When should I speak to a paediatrician?

If you are worried about your child's sleep, eating, mood or how they are coping with being apart from you, speak to a paediatrician. They know your child and their history, and can tell you what a general article cannot. You do not need a big reason to ask.

If your child's nursery uses Bambini, you see their meals, naps, photos and messages from the nursery on your phone.

Last checked 4 November 2026. This is general information, not medical advice.